Frequency

It seems weird. This silence in the night. This feeling of 3 in the morning i've written so much about. The night is just so quiet. I can feel dreams being dreamed. I can smell the absence of consciousness and its eire, but it seems to be welcoming in all the wrong ways. I just feel like sometimes i'm more alone than I feel. And the craziest part is that its not true. It never was. I've always had a hand in my life. His hand. Its always been there. Yet I try life without, in spite of, with holding from, refusing, hiding from, rejecting, and disobeying. I don't understand why I have to be so non committal. Its something that I need to work on. But it seems that the only time I ever think about it too much, or even at all, is at this time of night. Or I suppose by this time you could say morning. 3 in the morning. During this feeling of 3 in the morning that i've written so much about. When the night is quiet and welcoming in all the wrong ways. So if i can't ever choose the right in every way, than what will I ever do with me?