4 years old...

Jacob Timothy 

AKA 

Benjamin Jacob Earl 

I just want you to know that i love you. You mean the world to me.

Since the day you were born you have been lighting up my life.

From your smiles and your laughs.

 to Your faces and your stares.

Even your hair is a spark of joy in my eyes.

I fished for the moments you would look at the world and 

appear to know everything.

And even when you were confused you'd still rock that confusion like a pro.

You were never too tired for my constant photo shoots.

And you were always quick to strike just the right pose.

Even then, when you were just so small... 

I knew you would always be a BIG part of my life.

And so you grew. (as did your hair)

You became a shining ball of energy.

 And you'd look up to us and we could feel your respect and love.

I never had to show you how to be cool. You just knew exactly how.

And in this face, your face, i can see the man you will become.

Smart, successful, loving, godly, and genuine. 

 Your life will be full of opportunities and chances that will

be wonderful for you.

And when the day comes for you to go on a mission, 

I know you will serve lovingly and Heavenly Father will be proud.

I have plans for your life Jake. Ones that i'm sure you'd agree on.

And i know that you will be great.

I just hope one day, little brother, that you will forgive me... 

I know that i don't always come around & i never call.

I only come during momentous occasions and never just because.

And it may sound stupid,

But this is only because i love you.

I can never handle your silent, angry, confused, goodbye. 

So instead i never say hello. 

And for this i am truly sorry.

But for now, while you're young, i need for you to forget 

what was, and embrace what is now. 

Because in the long run this is what is going to help you.

Being a part of their family... Your Family

And Learning and growing in the ways they instruct.

Because you are no longer mine, but Theirs. And i can, and have to, accept that.

But Just know that despite the lack of my presence, i will ALWAYS be here for you.

You will never have to be alone like i was.

 And Your childhood will always have the love mine lacked. 

And for this, I am utterly grateful. 

(Listen to me, talking to you like you understand a word i just said. 

Oh well...) 

Happy Birthday Jacob.

I love you.