Hard

You know, it just sucks.
It's like trying so hard to reach for something just out of reach. Everyone can see that its what you want but no one will hand it to you.
It's like feeling more alone when you go out then you do in the dark, in a cold room, in a basement, all alone.
It's like coming into the world, naked and innocent, and being smacked across the cheek.
The reality of that first breath burning the lungs of the weak.
It's horrible. And I hate it.
I wish I could say how I felt and no one would try to fix me.
They wouldn't try and tell me what I need or how to come out alive. I know it's selfish, but just an ear to listen, an "I'm sorry" and a hug would be great once in a while. And maybe even a shoulder to cry on.
But it's not like I tell anyone how I feel to begin with

I suppose I'll tell you now...
I feel like I'm starting again.
I feel like I've been left.
I feel like I've been put on hold for better bigger things.
I feel as though life happened while I was using the bathroom.
I feel like I fell down cement stairs, twice, and can barely walk.
I feel alone.
All alone.
And I feel sad

I can't be fixed.
It won't go away.
I can't just will it to be gone.
I can't read and pray and suddenly feel better.
I just need time.

But this is my worse.
And I'm sorry any of you had to see it.